yay America!

As I was watching Spongebob this morning, I came across a song called "Make It In America" by Victoria Justice... Ironically, this song seems very similar to Miley Cyrus's "Party In The USA."
Before you look at the lyrics, think through what you think the similarities are. I underlined what I noticed and the paragraph below the videos tells what I think these videos are saying about society, mankind, and the person who wrote these songs.

Got a one way ticket down a 2 way street. Got the wind in my hair and there’s dust on my feet. I’m just trying to make it in America. Only thing to my name is an old t-shirt faded 1985 from a Stones’ concert.

And I’m dying to make it in America. And I’m singing the words to my favorite song with the rag top down and my glasses on, and I’m driving straight through America

[Chorus] I wanna taste the sun cause baby I’m born to run. I got a feeling that I’m not the only one. I wanna show some skin. Yeah baby I need the ocean, and you can’t stop me now. I’ve got my heart in motion; I want to make it in America.

I can see my star sunset and vine Gonna carve my name in the Hollywood sign. Yeah I gotta, gotta make it in America. See me wearin’ a smile, even if I’m broke. I’ll be singing the words from a song I wrote, and I called it Make It In America.

[Chorus]

I can feel the sweat dripping down my face. I can hear my heart as it starts to race. Yeah sometimes this world’s such a lonely place. If I just push on I know that.

[Chorus]

I hopped off the plane at L.A.X. With a dream and my cardigan. Welcome to the land of fame excess, am I gonna fit in? Jumped in the cab; here I am for the first time. Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign. This is all so crazy. Everybody seems so famous. My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick. Too much pressure and I'm nervous, that's when the taxi man turned on the radio, and a Jay-Z song was on

[Chorus] So I put my hands up. They're playing my song, and the butterflies fly away. I'm noddin' my head like yeah. I'm movin' my hips like yeah. I got my hands up; they're playin' my song. I know I'm gonna be OK. Yeah, it's a party in the USA

Get to the club in my taxi cab. Everybody's looking at me now, like "Who's that chick, that's rockin' kicks? She gotta be from out of town" So hard with my girls not around me. It's definitely not a Nashville party 'cause all I see are stilettos. I guess I never got the memo. My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick. Too much pressure and I'm nervous. That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune, and a Britney song was on.

[Chorus]

Feel like hoppin' on a flight back to my hometown tonight. Something stops me every time: The DJ plays my song and I feel alright.

[Chorus]

America is the land of opportunity. Both of these songs address the excitement and nerves of starting life in America; however, the life they describe is the famous American life in Hollywood of a "struggling" artist. Everyone knows that Miley Cyrus and Victoria Justice have never been struggling artists though, but they show the ability to make something out of nothing in America. Both of these songs show the patriotism of America, in other words "America is the best!" One reason these songs sell so well is because Americans love America, and these songs reinforce how amazing America is, that everyone has the ability to be rich and famous no matter where you've come from. I wonder if it's any coincidence that these songs come out during on of the biggest economic crisises in America. Much frustration has been angled at the American government, but these songs bring back the idea of the "Land of Opportunity" restoring patriotism  in people. It's hard not to listen to these songs and not feel some patriotism for me as an American.

Another thing that these songs emphasize is the desire to be yourself. Victoria talks about her favorite t-shirt and her favorite song, and Miley talks about Nashville and being a southern girl with her boots. An interesting connection I found was the importance of music to both of these girls. Music makes them feel at home and like themselves. This really shows the importance of music to society, especially to the adolescent and young adult society. 

I noticed this similarity and found it something interesting to analyze. Just some more thoughts to provoke. You can learn so much from what is out there, on television or on the radio. You can see what's important to society and even to you.

"John Wayne Gacy, Jr." - Sufjan Stevens

His father was a drinker 
And his mother cried in bed 
Folding John Wayne's T-shirts 
When the swingset hit his head 
The neighbors they adored him 
For his humor and his conversation 
Look underneath the house there 

Find the few living things 
Rotting fast in their sleep of the dead 
Twenty-seven people, even more 
They were boys with their cars, summer jobs 
Oh my God 


Are you one of them? 


He dressed up like a clown for them 
With his face paint white and red 
And on his best behavior 
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all 
He'd kill ten thousand people 
With a sleight of his hand 
Running far, running fast to the dead 
He took off all their clothes for them 
He put a cloth on their lips 
Quiet hands, quiet kiss 
On the mouth 


And in my best behavior 
I am really just like him 
Look beneath the floorboards 
For the secrets I have hid


This song is incredibly sad and powerful. Every time I listen to it, I feel myself blown away by the message Sufjan Stevens portrays. The story and philosophy of this song are amazing. I remember having many conversations about the last two lines of the song, which is ultimately what this song is about. It's not celebrating what John Gacy did, but reminding people that we are no better than he, when we so often would like to think that we are. This song also shows the potential of any person to become the worst. All humans are naturally in a horrible state, most people refrain from horrible actions like murder, but can't quite get away from the horrible thoughts that lead to the actions like anger, hatred, jealousy, and the like. The thoughts are just as bad as the actions.

1 John 3:15 (ESV)
"Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

Listening to this song nearly brought me to tears this specific time. Honestly, I would like to think I'm better than a serial killer, but how many times have I hated my brother? Probably more than 10,000 times. Every time I listen to this song, it's a slap in the face waking me up to the reality that I am not perfect, that I need to grow, that I need to learn, that I need to love, that I need some help for everything that I need to do. Honestly, there is no way I could do all this on my own.

England.

You know that feeling when you listen to a really good song? When it just blows you away and all you can do is smile, sit back, and listen to the music? That feeling in your gut that wants to scream out "I love this song!"? Maybe I'm just weird, but that happens to me a lot. If it happens to you too, then we could be friends. Good music is just amazing. I doubt anyone disagrees with that. That good feeling you get from a good song is one of my favorite feelings ever.

What is this power that music has over people? When I'm upset, some of my friends will say "England," the name of a The National song (if you haven't listened to it, you should). That song in itself has the ability to calm anyone's spirits. Whenever I listen to that song, I can't help but want to lie back and let the sounds overcome me. When music is done right (not just talking about the style of music, but more of morality), people could change the world. Many of the bands I listen to are looking to change the world through their music. You can hear it in their lyrics and how they use they're instruments, trying to make themselves stand out to the world. How many Justin Bieber songs do you think are written with the purpose to change the world? Maybe he wants to change the world of his girlfriend, but not the whole world, at least not yet. I know I talk about Arcade Fire a lot (they're probably my favorite band right now), but you can tell they are not satisfied with where society is and their music is screaming out for answer. Their music is full of anger and bitterness towards society. Society is corrupt, and those without hope of a better life will get discouraged and bitter. To them, it's a righteous anger. One popular artist that I've noticed who talks about changing society in her music is Lady Gaga. Her music is crying out for something better.

You may think I'm weird. I know I over analyze things, but I learn so much about where society really is by reading in between the lines. Sometimes I wish I could just listen to that Selena Gomez song, enjoy the catchiness of the song and not thing through the deeper meaning. Analytical thinking can be a burden, but it's part of who I am. I like to think that I can provoke some thought into at least one reader out there. Honestly, if I've done that, then this blog isn't a waste.

Quick little challenge: I challenge you to listen to your favorite song and analyze what you think it means. Think through the lyrics, the style or instrumentation, and if they have a music video, watch it. Think through what each character means. It might bring your favorite song into a new light. You may learn something about yourself. Why do you like that song so much? Why does it get to you personally? I already analyzed my favorite song in the blog "analyzing society."

Honestly, I have so much more I could say about music. Music can't be summed up in one paragraph. The philosophies of these artists have so much more depth, and I only mentioned three different artists. I hope this inspired you in some way. If not, I hope my next blog will be more entertaining for you (and that isn't being said with contempt. I'm genuinely sorry you didn't enjoy this blog.)

Philosophical People Watching

Setting: a coffee shop. The lights are dim; the sky is grey, and you can hear the sound of people talking, going in and out, ordering a cup of coffee, the coffee being made. So many sounds that end up being serene. You're sitting at a table at the far side of the shop, looking around at all the people and just wondering what makes life different for each of these people, what makes one different from the next. Is it their style? Their personality? Their looks? Their voice? Their likes? Their dislikes? Here are some things I that run through my mind in this setting...

At the other side of the coffee shop there are two girls in conversation. One is talking intensely, the other listening intensely. This isn't the normal coffee shop conversation. Tears may even be involved. My cynicism kicks in. I wonder as I look at the girl listening, does she want to listen? She's one of those girls who has conversations like this all the time. At what point is it too much? Does she genuinely care to hear this girl's story or is this just out of routine? What is she thinking about? Is she thinking about what she's hearing or about when she'll be able to go to lunch once this meeting is over? Only she knows. It can be so easy for someone to put on a fake listening face, insert a couple "yeahs" in the conversation to make it look like you're listening. I know because I do this all the time.
As for the girl talking, I can't imagine going that deep with someone I hardly know. I wouldn't know what to say. My distrust for people kicks in. How could I know she wouldn't talk to others about my deepest issues? How could I know she wouldn't judge my decisions or my past mistakes? Maybe that's just the introvert in me, but I don't understand why someone needs everyone to know their problems, or why someone is comfortable with telling everyone their problems. My spirit gets unsettled at the thought. Not many people really know me.

Sitting at the table next to them is a couple. They sit across from each other, talking in hushed tones, or so it seems from my distance. Not much to analyze about what they're thinking. They're probably just happy to have this time to be together.

In the middle of the shop is a group of college students trying to decide whether or not to go to lunch now or wait a little bit. I look at each of their styles and wonder why they chose to wear that today. One guy is wearing skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black and grey plaid scarf. For some reason, someone thought he looked like a hippy. I don't think they know what hippies look like. The hippies I know do not wear plaid scarves or skinny jeans. I wonder if that person meant that as a compliment or an insult. To me, I like looking like a hippy, it fits my personality and how I want people to see me. In this environment, hippies are looked on with disdain. However, this trend of thinking may be changing. Who am I to judge?
The girls are all wearing a similar style of a skirt (or dress pants), a solid shirt, a scarf, and a sweater. Not much variety to analyze there. I know I don't fit their style. I don't wear bright colors and a lot of sparkly hats, scarves, jewelry, etc. I'm perfectly content with my glasses, grey shirt, and olive green cardigan. I may not cake makeup on my face, but at least I'm content with how my face looks naturally. I have nothing against makeup, I've just realized recently that I will never feel comfortable with makeup on. I'm tired of trying to fit in to the world. Yes, I have blemishes, I have freckles and scars all over my face, but I'm not trying to change my face. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way I am.

As for the people in the corner using the computers, they're just being model students, maybe. Getting things done that I'm putting off by writing this blog. Part of me feels guilty for that, but the other part of me thinks that I just need to sit a think for a while. To you, I made be weird that I like to sit and analyze people in a coffee shop, that relaxes me.

As new people come in, new thoughts race through your mind. Different personalities. Different faces. Different ambitions. Different goals. Different thoughts. I honestly doubt that any two people in this room are thinking the exact same thing.

I hope I didn't ramble on too much. I hadn't blogged in a while, but here is how I slow my mind down. This process of cynicism, reasoning through the cynicism, seeing things in a new light rather than just the normal hustle of a coffee shop. And now, I am relaxed.

Blank Page

A blank page stares back at me. No words some to my mind. My mind is as empty as the page. Where did all the thoughts go that previously plagued my mind? Where did all the thoughts go that caused sleepless nights and an uneasy queasiness in my stomach? All my thoughts began to fade into nothing, just the blank page and me. The noise and distraction of the world fades to nothing. No one is around me anymore, no more white noise clouding my mind. What is this power of the blank page? This power to erase your thoughts and rob you of creativity. Nothing is quite as intimidating as a blank page. When you know you need to write, but there is nothing. Nothing. Such a powerful word. But what does that mean? The lack of something? Well, what is something? A page could be filled with words, but does that make it something? A life could be filled with actions, but does that make it something? I'd rather my life be a blank page than a page filled with deadwood. The most profound words come out when you don't even try. But if you force your life to come together, isn't that when stories are the worst? This is my blank page now full.

down with the Capitol

It is time. Before the fade ends, I would like to say my piece about The Hunger Games. There has been a lot said about this and I figured that since I read the books and since they are so popular, it would be a good topic to write about.

Honestly, I love these books. They are intense, thrilling, and even thought provoking. I found myself thinking to myself "What would I do in this situation?"It's hard to know. Honestly, I wish I could say "I would refuse to kill the other kids! That's barbaric!" But what if the government had you under their control? What if they would kill everyone you knew for refusing to obey?

This book inspires thought into the minds and I just want to point out of few take-aways I got from the book.

Obviously, this book is criticizing a big controlling government. It has similar qualities to a communist government in the control of power through fear. I wish I could sit down with the author and discuss what she had in mind when she created The Capitol. The contrast of how lowly the civilians live and how highly the government lives reminds me of the stories I've heard about government and even the government has similarities to the government system in the book Animal Farm. The people are starving and working as hard as they can, while the upper class have more than they need and do little to nothing.

To me, this book says so much about mankind. It shows how evil man can be, how people can train to kill or kill to survive. It shows the corruption of the world, and what makes the main characters so special is how they tried overcome the corruption, "fool the Capitol." Even though they had to participate, all of the main character's motives were against the Capitol.

I want to ask you this question, and I would love to hear your responses...

Why is The Hunger Games popular among the people?

Is it just the thrilling plot and dynamic characters? Or is there something deeper in the plot that gets to people?

analyzing society

Before you read this, I would strongly encourage you to listen to these songs without reading how I feel below and come up with your own answer. Analyze the lyrics of the song and the composition of the video (meaning why they filmed this or that or used this location or stood or danced like that). These are my own opinions and I am subject to be wrong. Coming up with your own idea would be better for you. I don't want to feed you my opinion, but challenge you to come up with your own. With that said, I hope I encourage you to think outside of your normal thinking. 

What does this video and song say about society?

And what does this video and song say about society?

These songs are by no means similar, in case you couldn't tell. One Direction is a boy band from the UK popular among teenage girls. Arcade Fire is a controversial indie band popular among "hipsters." I am a hipster, even though some things that hipsters do I do not agree with, so I favor Arcade Fire. 

Here are my thoughts on the videos:

The first video is based off a false reality. No wonder why teenage girls like this band so much. For teenagers, a false reality where you can image this undying worship of a boyfriend/girlfriend and it be okay. Honestly, if my relationship were like the One Direction song, I'd probably end it. That kind of relationship is just unhealthy and will destroy both people in the relationship. The first video shows how much our society runs off the idea of needing to be loved. Our society idolizes this worship. I don't want my husband to complete me. I want him to push me to be better and a more whole person. I don't want to be fully dependent on him because I know he will fail me. I do not like the way society views love and how highly it is prioritized.

The second video is a criticism of society. When I watched this video for the first time, my first reaction was "This is exactly how I feel about society!" Society is portrayed as dead clones who just follow the movement of society. Comparing these two videos is like comparing fire and water. The second video is actually criticizing the first video. Arcade Fire typically has very critical lyrics about society. If you like this song, I would highly suggest analyzing the song "The Suburbs". This song has provoked so much thought for me. There is so much I could say about this song, but I'll leave the rest to your imagination. 

What is friendship?

Friendship:
the state of being a friend;  association as friends


Friend: 
a person attached to another by feelings of affection orpersonal regard.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
a person who is on good terms with another; a person whois not hostile:


But what is friendship? I'm not talking about friendship in the sense of "We just have to be around each other, so we talk." I'm talking about honest friendship. What does that look like? Is friendship good times and laughing with each other? Is friendship going out to eat and talking endlessly to one another about good times and bad times? Is friendship a shoulder to cry on when you're upset and a person to rejoice when you're happy?
The definition the dictionary gave is true, but is very limited. Friendship is two-sided. Many of us tend to think of friendship of what it gives to us, but what can we give to it. Friendship is real and you have the freedom to be honest with one another. Not only will you be comforted, but you will comfort and it won't even bother you. In fact, you'll be happy to be the comforter no matter what your personality is like. Each friendship is different, so it's hard to say what friendship looks like for every person.

What then is the basis of friendship?
Love. Unconditional love. Broken, human unconditional love. Since we are human, it is hard for us to truly have unconditional love. Sometimes we fail, but the deeper the friendship, the harder it is not to love this person. The only way we can even get close (and I use the term "close" loosely) to truly unconditional love is by a relationship with the truly unconditional lover of humanity.

happy march! happy spring!

It's a new month, and I know I'm a couple of days behind, but oh well. It's spring (for some)! As I sit here listening to a really happy song ("The Girl" by City and Colour), I am getting so excited for life. I'm ready for the change of season, ready to see some green over white, ready to go dance in the rays of the sun on my bare arms... but that will be a while until I can do that up here.

The days are getting warmer and longer. Spring has always been an optimistic time of year for me, and I hope you can find joy in it too, even if you are a winter person. If you are a winter person, you probably live in the south somewhere.

On the last day of February we got about 18 inches of snow, just when I was getting excited about the snow melting away. Well, it's still really white outside, but I do have to say that the snow is beautiful. I'm just ready for warmth!

What excites me most about spring is the ability to be outdoors more. I love sitting outside with a journal or sketchbook and music in my ears, the ability to just sit comfortably and look at the beauty around me. I live in a beautiful part of the world, surrounded by trees and wildlife. There's a lake nearby with a beautiful dock that I love to sit on and ponder life. Some of the best thinking I have is outdoors.

Here's my question to you, how can you enjoy the change of seasons?

smudged glasses

I sat in a full auditorium looking through dirty glass. I pulled off my glasses and saw many smudges and even some tear stains. Usually you just clean them off with some cloth and some steam from your mouth if they're that dirty, but this particular time, looking through those dirty glasses seemed so profound. I never noticed the accumulation of all the dirt and dust from the day before, but there it all was to the point where the glasses were pointless to wear. All those dust particulars, tear stains, and fingerprints are the mark of the past. Our lives are like a pair of smudged glasses. We can clean them off as much as we can in an auditorium full of people, but they won't be the same as the day before. New smudges and fingerprints, new lines of where they had just been cleaned off. Looking back on the dirt, you can always see better after you've cleaned them off. Your life will never be the same after one day, but we can always clean off the dirt of the day, learn how to keep our glasses even cleaner, maybe by bringing a glasses case or a better cleaner. We can make our glasses perfectly clean ourselves, but there is a optician who can clean our glasses and make them like new. But we can never forget the mistakes we've made when we've dropped them in the pile of mud or left them setting out to collect dust. No matter how dirty we make our glasses, that optician will always be willing to clean.

it's all in the way you view it...

Honestly, we've all had those days where everything seems to go wrong. We've all had those times where we just want to make it to the end, to survive through it. Sometimes life can just be so hard to get through. This morning I was riding in the car and my dad asked "What can we be thankful for right now?" Being one of those times in my life, nothing really came to mind. I had to ponder the question a while, but the main answer I came up with is life itself. I could have my life taken from me, but then it would have been wasted. I'm thankful for another chance to make things right that are wrong. I'm thankful for the support I have from my family and friends. When things go badly or seem down, focus on those blessings you have in your life. It makes a world of a difference. Cause no matter how bad things seem, there's at least one person who will support you now matter how big a mistake you've made, how badly things go, and how much you rejected Him. He is always there for you. It's all in the way you view it.

Being. Truth. Goodness. Beauty.

Being defines Truth.

Truth defines Goodness.

Goodness defines beauty.

Beauty attracts us to Goodness.
Goodness attracts us to Truth.
Truth attracts us to Being.

What is Truth? 

"Truth is that which corresponds with reality." - Steve Whigham

What is Goodness? 

“Goodness is the right response to reality” - C.S. Lewis

What is beauty?

 “Beauty is that which when seen pleases.” - St. Thomas Aquinas

Beauty is a derivative of truth and goodness

If all this is true, what does beauty have to do with your life? When you see beauty, how does that affect your life?

Beauty impacts the world so much. Art, music, theater and dance attracts people because it can lead to goodness, if used properly. Take beauty away from truth and goodness, it is no longer beautiful. What attracts us to a good painting, piece of music, drama, ballet, etc. is is the truth that it could lead to. 

To make true beauty start with being, find truth, and realize goodness. If you do that, you can lead people to truth.

I love you.

I'm sure every blogger posts about this day, and I'm sure they all say similar things. Valentine's day is either fantastic or it sucks, depends on whether you have that special someone. I'm on the side of people who don't enjoy it all that much.

I was just thinking about ways to enjoy it while you're single. Who said Valentine's day has to be for a boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance,  or spouse? It was a tradition in my family to celebrate it all together. It is the day of love, but who made it romantic love? If you don't have that special someone, show someone special in your life like a parent, best friend, or anyone you love that you love them, even if you just shoot them a facebook message.

Make someone's day today

unexpected

Yesterday was a crazy day for my family. For weeks my dad was planning a trip to Chicago, and everything that could go wrong did. First of all, my brother swerved off the road and wrecked our car pretty badly. He was sent to the hospital, and thankfully he was perfectly fine. We started to think he couldn't go on the trip, and neither could my mom. Someone had to take care of him. Secondly, people kept signing up for the trip up until we left. We eventually started to run out of room on the buses because my mom was supposed to drive some people. Miraculously we found enough room. And lastly, after we had already left, we stopped to eat dinner at Panera Bread, and the ground was really icy. On my way out to the car, I slipped landing directly on my arm. We had to call an ambulance and I was sent to the hospital only to find out that I had fractured my arm. Well, after that, my family just went home.

As I type this with one hand, it's amazing how no matter how much you plan, everything can change in two minutes. It doesn't matter what happens. What's important is how you respond to those unexpected things. As for me, I'm thankful for a weekend off...

Enjoy your day, and make the most of whatever happens today...

Cette vie. Cette que nous habitons.

Life is an amazing thing. You never know whether this day will be good or bad, but sometimes you don't even care how it goes. We've all heard each day is a blessing, one of the many cliches we hear in the world, but how many actually consider it a blessing. I take this life for granted, waiting for days to pass like they're nothing. We all know we could die tomorrow, but it's the culture to live as though we have forever. Life is an amazing gift and it only gets more amazing the more you appreciate it. I look at my dog who lies on the floor all day and barks at nothing and wonder how she perceives life or if she perceives it all. Sometimes we can be like that dog lying on the floor just wasting away the hours because it can't take advantage of the day. We've been given a perception of what this life means to us and to others, what a waste to just wait for days to pass.

C'est la vie! Amuse-toi.

Homeless. Please, help.

A homeless man on the side of the street begs for money from pedestrians on their way to work, or to shop, or to go have lunch, a meal which he may not have today. On average he makes at best a dollar an hour. He is always overlooked by the busy people of the world.

A marketer comes by the man and reads his sign: "Homeless. Please, help." He asks the homeless man how much he makes in an hour. After the homeless man answers, the marketer says, "I'll give you ten dollars for you to let me rewrite your sign and another ten if you tell me how much you make in the hour that I'm at lunch." The homeless man let's him rewrite the sign and then the marketer goes off to lunch.

An hour passes, and the marketer comes back to the homeless man. The homeless man thanks the marketer for rewriting his sign and gives the marketer the ten dollars back plus a ten dollar tip. The homeless man made sixty dollars in the one hour.

The sign read: "Imagine if you were in my place."

True story. What does this say about humanity?

Why is creativity important?

I know that creativity is important, but not every one has realized this. There are many reasons why it's important and those reasons will be different from person to person. Different beliefs affect how we view things in life, such as creativity. As a Christian, creativity is humanity's way of making the world more beautiful and even more understandable to the human. We cannot understand everything, but through our creativity, we can see the world in different ways, some good ways and some bad ways. Creativity is opens the mind to new understanding. Most people assume that creativity belongs solely to the arts, but no. Creativity brings new thoughts. Creativity has brought many different philosophies and modes of thought into the world.

Some look only at the bad things that have come from creativity, assuming that all creativity is bad. God has given us creativity so that we might understand Him more. He would not give humanity something that could only be used for sin and darkness. I know that God created creativity because how could Adam have named all those animals with out it?

What are your thoughts? What makes creativity important to you?

Always is not as long as it seems.

A small change of pace... Here's a short, very short, story that I wrote. Hope you enjoy...

The morning was light and grey. The sun had risen but was hidden behind a shroud of this clouds. He was slowly awoken by the brightness from the window next to the bed. He got up slowly as to not awaken his wife. Sitting in the chair he had placed in front of the window just for moments like these, he pondered. The cloudy sunrise very much reflected the emotions of the morning, dim but yet promising. It had been a year since he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer; he could feel the treatment wearing him thin. He was overcome with guilt; he had promised to provide for her from the moment he said, “I do.” That moment of provision only lasted about one year. He couldn’t help but feel like a bad husband. 

“My wife. My beautiful wife,” he whispered to her. There she was, lying there in the bed, calm and quiet, peaceful and graceful in her sleep. He looked at her hair, long, beautiful brown hair that curled in the most beautiful ways and contrasted with his hair, thinned, nearly gone from the treatment. There she lie, still. He admired her strength, she held him together through the bad news and the very little good news. How much he wanted to just lie there with her, hold her and show her how grateful he was, he knew he couldn’t have done it without her. “Thanks for marrying me, sweetie,” he whispered to her from the side of the bed. His thoughts went to their wedding day, only four months before the diagnosis, the best day of his life, he was sure of it. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Watching her walk down the aisle was the best part, knowing that he would always be hers and she would always be his. Always was shorter than he thought. 

His eyes went back to the window. It was hard to think that this life, his life, would ever end, but what would happen when it did? People told him not to think about that, to enjoy life as he had it, but he had to think about it. Death was inevitable. It happened to everyone but was bound to him. Lives would continue without him, everyone would move on and then eventually meet him again after their own death. Death didn’t frighten him. The world just seemed empty in the grey abyss that took over the sky. He knew there was more to experience away from this life. Death now thrilled him. The only thing that kept him bound to this earth was the family he cared for; he didn’t want to leave his potential family, and he especially didn’t want to leave her. She bound him to this earth. 

Staring at her, he slowly moved back to the bed. He caressed her hair while he watched her sleep, wanting to join her in her dreams, but he knew it was time for him to let go. “I love you. I will always love you,” he said one last time to his wife. While she was still asleep, she grabbed his arm and pulled him in as she whispered back “I love you too.” He kept his arm around her waste as he slowly slipped away.

His wife awoke several hours later to a bright, sunny morning; his arm was still wrapped around her. She kissed his hand and wished him a good morning. His hand felt cold. Panicking, her heart dropped. Not knowing what to do, she called 9-1-1, hoping that they could save him. She forever remembered that sunny day and the feel of her husbands arm around her.